escapism

suddenly the overwhelming desire to change location descends like a ton of bricks. really heavy and clear ones. time to go. to move on. somewhere else. to leave.

what a beautiful thought. i've finally subscribed to the disease of escapism. or maybe i'm just realizing that there are so many other places out there to explore, to get to know.

i hate the idea of running away from people. they're the same everywhere. moving to a new place just means revisiting the same problems with new faces. leaving close relationships to start from the beginning again.

it is the notion of new coffee shops, beaches, waves, apartments, jobs, streets, loves that is so enticing. and where will i go? portland? colorado? san francisco? chicago? (no, not chicago. not yet) what will i find? what will i learn?

maybe this is an itch i could scratch by spending some time isolated in the mountains or something. but i'm not convinced it would, i long for change. cities feel like other planets, and i've always been keen on space travel...

imagine that... to watch the earth from above, to see it turning, the freedom from gravity, the quiet distance from all people, and the poetry of something so majestic... i wonder how Jesus must've felt- looking down from the heavens, with control of the entire universe, knowing he would be subjected to human nature. to birth, death and all the joys in between. i wonder what he dreaded more... the descent from heaven into human form or the pain of death. sure puts the advent season into perspective.

in all circumstances

the appointed day of thanks has passed. but i am thankful today. and i was thankful yesterday. and i pray to God i will be thankful tomorrow.

i am thankful...

for my morning commute so that i can think about these things.
that i can listen to music and it can send me to all kinds of places.
that someone discovered their ability to make music, that there are those who have the gift of creating music, and that i can be inspired by it.
for the wind that wakes you at 4:43 am.
for rain and the beautiful sound it makes, and for the excuse to stay inside.
for red wine, hot water and candlelight.
for trees that provide paper and for textures like trees and paper.
for colors and the fact that they mean different things and that when you put a bunch of them together in a certain way it makes a painting.
that there is a theory that everything could be composed of vibrating strings.
that the day i arrived in rome i realized it was moving, that it existed and i think we are seemingly unaware that other cities and places are actually alive because we don't see it.
that i can people-watch in the piazza navona while chicago is waking.
for other cultures and that rome is so different from boston which is so different from nairobi and yet we are all human, we are all subjected to the same emotions, the same successes and the same shortcomings.
that you can have the privilege of sitting next to really cool people on an airplane for a change.
that i can see someone in need and want to help them, and that i can feel sorry that i didn't.
that God is our creator and that He wasn't selfish and allows us to create in our own failed human way.
for the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
for the ability to taste and for food and that i get to eat it everyday.
for the gift of memory.
for the hard times in life because they make us who we are. that some good can come out of them.
for the unknown and that we don't know what will happen tomorrow but that i do know that it won't always be easy, that all my dreams won't come true and that's okay because whatever happens will give me the choice to be someone wiser.

i am thankful for existence. for being human. for the Trinity which gives access to God who promises to be our Father. we are not detached from Him but a part of this tension between birth and death, darkness and light, heaven and earth. and it is nothing short of magnificent.

this week's playlist

1. lullaby the cure
2. three doors vast
3. iiiee tori amos
4. 10,000 days (wings pt.2) tool
5. i will not forget you sarah mclachlan
6. misguided angel cowboy junkies
7. donut song tori amos
8. i'm dying vast
9. the hanging garden the cure
10. in my time of dying led zeppelin
11. you vast