Thursday, October 27, 2005

voodoo lady

"i was thirsty for everything
but water wasn't my style
guess we might have to teach me something
guess we might have to show me how"

it's a tricky thing, realizing your plans might fail. that where you are might not be a beginning but an end. when you stop asking "where am i going?" and start to wonder "where am i and what am i doing here?".

sometimes the required change isn't in the scenery itself but the eyes that view it. this, my friends, is the hardest battle to face. it's easy to pick up and go- to run- to be free and up against new things. but the scariest scenario is standing still and facing your current position in life, the things you have come to know the best, but now are your worst enemy.

"relax and let your ears hear this beautiful song
that's hidin' underneath the sound"

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

hey jupiter

i have learned that when confronted with the consequences of being a victim of someone else's evil, we have a choice. there is the option to be angry, bitter, resentful. we can also choose not to let such things destroy us. but why is there a grotesque obscession with being self-destructive? we would rather cling to depression, embrace our sorrow and reject any form of hope. why is this, when what we long for is happiness and peace? why is masochism a more viable route than the road to repair?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

thunder entered her

Arvo: writer of music that is beyond human comprehension, Part Deux:

:: magnificat :: revelations ::

such is the story of Mary. she keeps to herself the greatest mystery of all time: the Virgin birth. she was the first to receive the Holy Spirit in the physical sense, and in the most powerful & consuming way possible. this was no tongue of flame, but the seed of life— and not just any life... the body of Christ Himself.

i don't think that this idea has ever been explored— for who could dare?

the only other (i know of yet) to explore the incarnation in written word was St. Ephren:

"Thunder entered her and made no sound;
there entered the Shepherd of all;
and in her He became the Lamb, bleating as He comes forth"

this text was explored by Tavener in his composition "Thunder entered Her" but neither have sucessfully captured the power of such an occurance. well, i am now seeking to, because i want to understand. (if only i were a poet or a composer!)

we are familiar with the story of the Annunciation. it has been depicted in all unique and ubiquitous ways. the Magnificat has been sung by children in Christmas pageants and by an Estonian chorale, and it has been beautiful (to say the least). but there is an event that must have occurred between these two happenings, and that is time when the Holy Spirit CAME UPON Mary and planted the seed of the Christ child into her womb.

I am not approaching this as a sexual experience, for it would have been far beyond that. i have felt the intense aching in my womb as i hold a child in my arms, i have been sent reeling into the realm of orgasm, and i have felt the divine power of the Holy Spirit come upon me and fill me with his presence. None of these physical experiences can be accurately represented with words— try rolling all three into one & multiplying the power to an intensity you can't imagine.

Mary undoubtably had one of the most incredible & AWESOME (in the truest sense of the word) spiritual encounters— one that no man will ever begin to understand— and it was made physical WITHIN her.

there could not have been just a simple, emotionless "poof" and she was suddenly pregnant with Jesus. It did not just "happen" and then one day she noticed her belly was growing.

oh no– there was an event, an event so mystical and uncomprehendable that it has never been justly spoken of in the words of men. and it was hers.

no one will ever, can ever, know her ecstacy, her fear, her amazement, her pleasure. I would have written a Magnificat, too.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

criss-crossed in a parallel universe

chills: there is something beautiful in the parallel universes of music and movement. it's a brilliant moment when you cue up the music with your mood, surroundings, etc. if executed at the right time in appropriation with the environment, you have reached synergistic perfection.

chills: when randomly, mistakingly, universes criss-cross: music with mimicking movement, events with pre-meditated thoughts or dreams, dreams with reality or with another dream.


as i lazily gazed into the morning mirror and recalled the events of last nights perplexing dreams, images, encounters in an enchanted sleep world.. running parallel to waking reality.. or does it? [my favorite is getting the 2 worlds confused... thrilling, really.]

i have had the same dreams repeated, continued, viewed from within another dream... and last night as i dreamt a recurring dream and interacted with a long, lost friend i was brought to wonder... did that same friend dream of me [but from her perspective]? why is there recurrence in dreams so consistently and so powerfully?

the subconscious is a scary place. dreams are the only window through which we can view that enigmatic world. 80 percent of our dreams are generated based on events of the day... do they run parallel? people are awake while others are dreaming. are dreams outside of time? some say dreams occur in real time. i would have to argue against that.

some nights i have shared similar if not the same dreams with others. criss-crossing in dreamlandscape... how often does this happen when we dont know it? am i the faceless person in someone else's dream?

am i running parallel to another's reality? am i the movement cued to a music i cannot hear? strange to think what is floating above the real and waking world, what chooses to run parallel, what chooses to descend and entangle...

open your minds