§

the most beautiful thing on a rainy day?

leaves of a silver oak tree teased by a breeze... [on cue with Berliner Messe]

do not call it fixity

so. i made a decision. [i think.]

i have felt so close to God and i was waiting for a moment of revelation but instead i was given gradual peace and possibility which overrode potential. i was sure. til now. suddenly i am sent reeling back to a realm of questions. did i do the right thing?

someone told me that if you are trusting God, no matter what decision you make He'll bless it. i know He will. but He is so weird, and so cool, so mysterious and so... the best. i am excited to see what happens because i have chosen here, but then again, we should all always be excited for what God is going to do with our lives. if we let Him.

still waiting on convergence and lightness of being. yowser.

laudamus

convergence...

where the dance is— the still point
where God reveals himself
as he does through music:

:: te deum ::

and it fills you. laying on the cold concrete of a cathedral floor.

who knew you'd go back in time: the place you could never find, to get outside of the here and now. but somehow there exists the overwhelming gift of peace amidst the forgotten joys of life and the ever-strain of never-ending days towards.. where?

and that, we do not know. but can only hope an answer is near, as in prayer we commit to surrender and possession of all to the one on High: Almighty God. He who is often forgotten to be glorious. astouding.

we are reminded by the Estonian choir... Arvo, we thank your dedication to the most beautiful piece of written music: Te Deum. God-breathed, as Scripture— but equally timeless and resonant and all things beyond human comprehension. This music is a portal to God.

§

as there is not a cloud in the clear blue sky,
so i have not a thought, nor a word
just a sigh

and after all this as i was nearing home, i passed a single pear- untouched- in the middle of the road. it stood upright, basking in the last rays of the sun. and i was amazed. surreal encounter #3

glosoli

i think that in icelandic, the word "glosoli" means "the answer to everything". after yesterday, i'm convinced of it.

from... the early fog of sunday morning... so thick that i could have been anywhere: the dark and decaying piers interrupting the glassy water, the sand along the bay reflecting pools of water in such a way they could have been snow... it could have been anywhere but the road to boston, it could have been iceland (i wish).

in-between... a more heavenly voice: the anglican mass. the music of the liturgy, the overwhemling smell of incense, the chilling power of God and the tall church walls. (thus fullfilling my first ever church of the advent sunday experience)

an artist recently told me that where there is convergence, that is where we find God. i couldn't agree more. neither could flannery o'connor ("everything that rises must converge") or t.s. eliot (more on him and the liturgy to come...). it is all coming together now. slowly, inevitably. and i have to decide between 2 very separate ways, but where they converge: that's where i am supposed to be.

to... alone on the night highway, the full-moon sky taunting me with a false sense of clarity about the world, sigur ros reassuring me that there is still something beautiful to it all.

§

i wish my dreams played out as beautifully as my imagination...

but mine are absurd, taunting and nightmarish. except for last night when i dreamt about a really large picture book of an imaginary country that was a cross between greenland and iceland and started with an "H". glorious. but... a dream.

it is

life sucks. but God is good.

it is amazing how such trivial things can cloud our vision of what is eternally significant.

the silver lining? ... knowing the difference.

love to love to love

i love when you fall in love but you don't even realize it and then one day you're like "oh my gosh" and you are overwhelmed for a moment here and there throughout that day and it feels so good and then you wake up the next day and you are like "what was i thinking?" but whatever still lingers makes you smile.

me and a bass guitar

love the bass guitar. i feel as thought i have a special connection with bass guitars and bass players. i have always had a strange yet consistent attraction to them.

i went through a phase in h.s. where i learned to play guitar, and some random goth girl let me take home her bass to try out. that was cool. i gave it up shortly after.

most people forget the importance of the bass guitar. a song without a bass line sounds like marbles rolling around in a metal box.

a base line somehow completes, gives rhythm and a reason to move... solidifies depth... saturates

favorite baselines i have come across so far:

1. tori amos: to venus and back: juarez ... but also pretty much that whole album has kick ass bass action
2. our lady peace: happiness is... : thief
3. anything paul mcartney touched b/c he was pretty much the best bass player ever if you think about it
4. caspian: loft

please inform me of any others i have forgotten or have yet to hear. i am eager.

the end is near

friday afternoon i was ready to call it quits and stand on the street corner holding my cardboard sign reading "the end is near" and hoping my friends would be kind enough to supply me with booze in paper bags. after paying $3.19 per gallon for gas (i know it's worse elsewhere) and sitting in weekend traffic, the scenes of chaos and catastrophe from the news flashing though my mind, this seemed like the best option.

then i realized something sad but true: it's going to get worse before it all goes down. and we have no idea the potential of natural disasters. tropical storms and tsunamis are just the beginning. erosion will eventually swallow cape cod and the islands, a mega-tsunami will destroy the entire eastern seaboard, a huge earthquake will drop california into the pacific, the midwest will touch the ocean, terrorists will take over, and i'll move to canada and wait for the dawn of the second ice age to come.

by then gas will probably cost like $10 per gallon.